The Mayan Apocalypse? Fuck That Shit

December 22, 2012 here, already. And yet, I live.

I wasn't worried about Jack Squat yesterday, until this came up on the lunchtime bulletin:

Scary, isn't it?

So, it's official- the Mayans have trolled us. Mean bastards.

This is what I did all day, waiting for all hell to break loose.

6 am to 10 am- Dead on my bed, since I spent the previous night watching my favourite comedy movie play list- Zoo Keeper, Ali G InDaHouse, Ted, and The Inbetweeners.

11 am- Still sleeping.

12 pm- My plan was to "wake and bake". Na, I'm just messing. You no do weed, because weed no good. Weed bad. Anyhow, I woke up, and took a shower.

1 pm- The Friday prayer, duh.

2 pm- Food. More food. Followed by pie. And then, more pie.

3 pm- Believe me, I went out of the house expecting to see something amazing. Like, I wanted to see it raining hot rocks or something. Or maybe unicorns strolling. Something out of the ordinary.

4 pm- Since I'm leaving this Monday, I need to get some shopping done, but I couldn't get my lazy butt to agree with me. The result? No shopping.

5 pm- You know, I was really let down, as nothing was happening. Man, they had this really awesome build-up for 21-12-12, and now they don't give me shit? Not cool, man. Not cool.

6 pm- I've sort of given up on the wait. But here's the deal, I'm gonna go out out on a limb here and say, that since Christians strongly believed on the 21-12-12, Jesus might be behind it. Because, just last week, I got email from secret_higher_power@heavenmail.com. The picture he/she emailed me was this.

I'm no Christian, but I find this pretty hilarious.

Okay, on I go, again. Oh, and note that this is my first post that has the "Dear Diary" vibe, right?

7 pm- I do not know if 21-12-12 was someone's idea of a cosmic joke, because sure as hell, it did not seem to be one. But if it was, it was a really bad one. Really bad.

8 pm- I was at my PC, blogging. While I was at it, do you know what my media player was currently playing? "Highway To Hell" by AC-DC. I decided that it was bad choice, should the world end. So, I changed it to "Till I Collapse", by Eminem. Because Eminem had always produced heavenly music. Before REHAB, that is.

9 pm- I watched the 2012 once again, just in case. I googled to look for someone who could lend me a plane, because I really wish to live longer. I haven't been with my crush for once, FFS. You should really see my point, by now.

10 pm- I just found out, that our flight to Riyadh is a transit flight via Dubai. And here's the good part: Instead of shopping for awesome stuff here, I'm going to be doing it in Sharjah. Happiness Level = Max.

11 pm- I figured that if anything was to happen, I would rather go in with a full tummy, as a happy person. So, I downed my dinner, and since I was dankrupt, I stayed clean.

12 am- The wait has now officially ended, and this post is starting to see it's end, as well. Because what I do after 12 am at night, is something that I can't let people know. ;) Na, I just watch movies. I wish I was cold-blooded killer at night, though.

You know, I think the Mayans didn't even do some actual research to support their conclusion. The way I have it, the appointed the best of their geniuses to figure it out, and the appointed ones were promised a life full of stardom, if successful. It is at that point that I think, criminal desperation took over them, and that led on to something. So, here's what they did.

Quite legit, actually.

You know, I've just had the best idea in a good while. If I make it through this, I plan to study, become a doc, marry "the girl", have babies. AND THEN, I'm going to make them watch the movie 2012, and tell them that their mother and I survived through this, just to have the kids. Awesome, isn't it?

Anyways, now that we're past the "Apocalypse", here's to the next 1000 years.

Cheers.

P.S- THIS POST IS A DAY LATE. And, I do not apologize.

Return Ticket

Hi, insane earthlings.

So, tomorrow's the Apocalypse, right? In the event of something horrible ACTUALLY happening, I've got nothing to worry about. I have already got myself covered. I made a sledge that is run by a pack of wolves, two Russian Dragunov snipers, and a cheesecake. Because, cheesecake is love. By the way, tomorrow, I'll put up a post where I make a list of things I do throughout the day, as I wait for something to hit us. If I don't post by 10pm- Dhaka time, please pay your last respects to my beautiful corpse.

Okay, enough with the Apocalyptic crap. 'Cause whenever someone comes up with something as such, my reaction to it is somewhat like this:

Sheldon Cooper = Awesome

I know, how ironic.

Man, I watched the Champions League draws today. And being a Real Madrid fan, I was very, very disappointed. We have to play Manchester United to get through into the QF. They aren't exactly the Great Wall of China, but they aren't one to beat easily, either. Plus, Cristiano Ronaldo has to play at Old Trafford, his former home. Like that isn't enough- most of us Madrid fans are counting on CR7 to give us that winning goal against his former club- the club that has made him the Cristiano Ronaldo he is today.However, I found a comforting stat: Real Madrid has progressed in three of their four European Cup ties against Manchester United, while coach Jose Mourinho has won six and lost just two of 14 previous games against the Red Devils in all competitions.

Phew.

As many of you might know, I've been watching a lot of Hindi movies/ listening to Hindi music ever since I moved here. And THAT is why many people have told me that I have "changed". Like, not in a good way, because honestly, I did not like the tone. After that, I stopped sharing Hindi stuff, but man I watched this one movie, and I couldn't help but share a particular song from the movie soundtrack. It is from the movie- Talaash. An incredible story, may I say. And if any of you wish to watch, let me hit you up with the ultimate spoiler. Kareena Kapoor is a dead hooker who died 3 years before the story time frame, and her soul still wanders the earth. There you go, movie spoiled. Anyway, here's the song:

Jee Le Zara- Talaash

Moving on, mom told me today that I had to go and confirm our flight reservations. Yes, I'm finally going back to Riyadh. So, I called this cousin of mine Zubair, and we went to the Saudi Airlines head office here. It was near a place called Farmgate, and believe me, that place is ALWAYS crowded. Oh, you have to know how I met Zubair. Much like our family, his family lived abroad for most of Zubair's upbringing. They moved in here from Kuwait a month before I showed up. So since this dude had a bit of Middle Eastern blood running in his veins, I figured that we would kick it off. And sure enough, we did. However, the first time we met was something like this:

His dad invited us over. So, when we were there, his elder sister took me to his room, where he was having a jamming sesh with his friends. Now, the general idea is when you're outside a room where a jamming sesh is in progress, you'll hear something. Like, the sound of a bass chord, or whatever. But let me tell you, man- I DID NOT HEAR SHIT. It was almost as if I've lost my hearing. Till date, I don't know how something like that happened, nor have I asked. However, we made good friends, and over time, I came to know a lot about him. First up, he's a total stoner. They say being friends with a stoner will eventually make you one, but since I've vowed to never light the grass again, I think I'm on the safe side. However, I'll give you this- Pot will give you super powers, and an immense amount of wisdom- for the time being, though. Anyways, stoner or not, Zubair never fails to crack me up. And that's because, at times, he has this attitude where he pretends to be all ghetto and shit- despite being a privileged teenager. Often time, I picture him as this:

Honestly, you're too fat for a thug.

Next up, he had a pretty girlfriend, but man, her personality was really weird. Speaking of the word "weird", this picture came into my mind.

I always had a massive, massive, massive crush on Lily Aldrin. ♥ 

Okay, so his girlfriend. I agree, she was undeniably "do-able", but that bad a personality, man?

Man, I've moved too far out! Where was I? Oh yes, Saudi Airlines HQ. We reach the help desk, and inquire who to go to for flight reservations confirmation. The dude at the help desk accompanies to a room, where we were supposed to wait for some officer. Anyways, we wait, and the dude finally turns up. We talk for a while, and after some time, he tells me that my visa is not valid. Now, if there was anything I was completely sure about, it would be my visa being valid. This guy was obviously playing some mind shit with me, and I was ready to raise some hell. My cousin was all big-eyed, and had a jawdrop, cause I mean, I usually speak up loud. I was NOT going to let anything ruin my flight back to Riyadh. I was flipping out, and for the officer on the pother side of the desk, I was just another brick in the wall.

A few minutes later, I decided it'd be best to kick back, and play my cards carefully. Because, in places like these, people will always fuck with you. Play your cards right, and you'll hit the peak even before you know it. Play them wrong, and you'll be dead even before you hit the floor. So, anyways, I think this is the first time when I have produced every legal document I have, and not left something back home. And surely, I was successful in swinging the scales to my favour. I finally laid my hands on my return ticket.

Checkmate.

12-12-12. Once every 10 centuries.

The much awaited 12-12-12 has finally come upon us.

So fucking what?

All the fuss, newspaper headlines, Facebook status updates- all that stuff totally got on my nerves. So, I did the math, and turns out that 12-12-12 will revisit us again in the next thousand years. They way I see it, none of us hold the slightest chance of surviving for the next 1000 years, and hence, there's no point in celebrating in such a date. My personal opinion is that I really do not see the hype behind the same number appearing thrice on the calendar. More or less everyone in Dhaka has plans for today,  except me, that is. I'm just sitting there, wondering what might be for dinner today. I tried staying away from it, and believe me, my Facebook was not helping me at all. This is just a part of what the people in my list were up to. Click on the picture for a better view.      

I can just stare.

The might be ambitious kids with telescoped on their rooftops to see if anything spicy cooks up. On the other hand, this is the day, when the Bangladeshi cricketer, and apparently, the world's best all-rounder Shakib Al Hasan is getting married to his fiance. To my horror, she isn't even hot. I mean, you're the world's BEST all-rounder, man. The bar should've been set higher. However, we respect you, and congratulations are in order. Other than that, there are people who might've already started freaking out as the "Apocalypse" is drawing nearer. But just in case it does happen, I got myself covered. You see, I'm moving. Moving far far away. It's not exactly what I call  home, but if it means saving my ass, then I'll do it.

I welcome you to my humble abode.

When all that is over- Happy Hallelujah! Not that I'm a Christian or anything, but it reminds me of something. A few months ago, I was talking to a blogger friend, and we were just talking about what we were up to. Since it was close to Eid, I told him what I had in mind for Eid, but get this: He did not seem to know what Eid was. So this time around, when Xmas rolls over, I'll talk to any Christian friends I have, pretend not to know what Christmas is, sit back and imagine the reactions they might have.

Now that the tables have turned, and the joke is on you- not so funny now, or is it? In the meantime, I'm roughing it.

And now, excuse me as I leave you to enjoy your 12-12-12, if you're one of those pathetic people, that is.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Random Life Update 2 .0

 Yet another one of my pointless banters. Hi.

As you can see, I changed the template and font of my blog, because I was bored with the old red-yellow look. I am not completely sure if this is better than the previous one, but whatever. Man, I don't think I'll ever be done complaining about my life. And as a lot of you may have noticed, many a time, all I am is a one-way street.

So, we've hit December. And, you should know how much jam packed this month is. We will be supposedly meeting the Apocalypse, as predicted by the Mayans. And then, there's our Victory Day. Or, Independence Day, I'm not sure. No kidding, but I don't have our national anthem completely memorized, either. So, I tend to mix our national holidays up. Next up, there's Christmas, if we survive the damn Apocalyspe, that is. And to top it all off, there's December the 31st, which I bet, everyone, sane or not, thoroughly enjoys.

I haven't really thought up of any plans for this year, which I really need to get at. As for December the 16th, I'll just have to make sure that I don't get too onboard with the vibes around, which might result in me doing something that is immensely messed up. Last year, at some Victory Day party, I lost my mind, and this is what I did.

In my defence, I was a year younger, and possibly, might have been drugged.

So now you have an idea of what I'm talking about. I don't have any lasting memories of that party, save this picture. I don't remember what I did then, but I can tell you what they're USUALLY like. And like it or not, they are mostly, not mostly, but always dreadful. There are people you hangout with, the aunties who love carrying tales, the uncles who would discuss nothing else, but the latest political issues, and then, there's the usual fight scene, where people start cursing at each other, in public. They say words are like bullets, but I beg to differ. I enjoy bullets way more than words. Way more.

I seem to have changed as a person ever since I moved here. You see, when I used to live in Riyadh, I used to be the polar opposite of a cat person. I know a lot of people who go like, "OMG, cats are so this, and so that." What they fail to see is, that cats are some insane, dirty, and not to mention scary sons of bitches. Little did I know, that all this was about to change. And this amazing thing happened, the day I met Snowy, who is a cat owned by one of my friends.

Behold, the most beautiful cat in all the world. People, I give, to you, Snowy.

Love at first sight.

Ever since then, I've been longing to get a pet cat. But, then I cooked up an awesome idea for a pet. My pet was going to be a baby wolf, because cats are just too mainstream.

So, when they said that I changed quite a bit, I guess they weren't completely wrong. One reason behind that, may be the lack of close friends here, and hence, the amount of fun. However, if booze and meth are your thing, Dhaka is the place to be. It used to be a lot of fun before, I tell you. I see these old pictures, and all I can wonder is how fast life changes course, without any warning whatsoever. All in all, I miss my friends. I  miss football. I miss the beloved mothership. I miss Saudi money. Simply put, I miss having fun. Not long before, this is what could be described as fun, to me. Hanging out with the awesomest friends on the face of Mother Earth. The picture below was taken at Tariq's farewell, the guy in the white checkered shirt. Behind us, is Hamad, the life of all parties.

Euphorial Climax.

So that's the turn that my life has taken, changing many a thing along with it. I was always your average T-shirt and jeans guy, and now, I'm a shirt and bermuda guy. Not the greatest change, but still as weird as any. What happened to everyone? Distance is now increasingly becoming a factor to be taken care of. What happened to all those times when everyone would get baked, and not be able to see what's 2 feet in front of them? What happened to all those times, when someone would splash a bit of water on you, thus beginning a massive water fight? What happened to graduation night? What happened to the days, when I got my AS Level grades, kept the original copy, and produced a fake for my parents? What happened to all those crazy times?

I may not have any idea of whatever happened to the things that made life worthwhile, but I do know this- no matter what, it is still worth looking forward to everything. Cause, that's the only logical thing we can do, right?

Good day, you.