A Guy with a Shopping List

It was all fun and games until Dad had to leave for Riyadh. So soon after his departure, mom said that I'd have to step up, and take "his place and role". And I'm not gonna lie, but I was pretty excited at first. That's because I thought taking "his place and role", meant getting my hands on all the family money. Little did I know, that I was far off from reality.

This post is pretty big, so here's something for you to listen in the meantime.

This song was used in Step Up 3D, in the Battle of Gwai routine. Anyways, going back. It all started with me having to accompany mom to the departmental stores, and help her out with the grocery shopping. Man, I think my mom is the only person in the whole wide world who thinks that shopping for food, and groceries, are just as fun as buying clothes, shoes, and phones. No kidding.

Slowly and steadily, mom upped the ante by making me take my siblings to school, to which I agreed without an argument. But then, she had touched the wrong nerve when she said that, from now on, I'd have to do all the shopping. I thought ignoring the nagging would divert her mind from the decision. Sadly, the trick hardly seemed to work, and she came upon me with a full blown attack about why I wasn't being a proper "elder brother". So, I succumbed, and finally went grocery shopping. At least, I went down swinging. It was at this point that I realised that shopping isn't as easy as I thought it'd be. To my delight, I came back with all the right things, except for one thing- the wrong brand of mango juice, which my sister wanted. And needless to say, she had a meltdown. Such was first encounter with grocery shopping, and I wasn't really looking forward to a second encounter.

Since I'm supposed to be starting university pretty soon, my mom keeps bugging me about why I still don't know how to prepare the basic dishes, survival methods bla bla, parental concern crap, you name it. I wasn't sure where she was going with this...until she said that it was high time that I learned to cook. The moment I heard that, it was as if a rug had been pulled off from right under me. I mean, come on, I did not see THAT coming! You know, all this actually reminds me of my IGCSE days. Sometime during 2010-11, my mom, and my sister travelled to Dhaka, whilst the two of us brothers, along with Dad stayed behind in Riyadh. I was stuck with my exams, Dad with work, and my brother with...well, he's good at nothing. Since any of us hardly knew how to cook, we'd settle for fast-food every single day. KFC, Burger King, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Herfy- every fucking day. And believe it or not, one day, we got tired of it. So the next day, we decided to eat home made food. But here's the problem: Neither Dad, nor my brother hardly knew how to boil an egg, let alone cooking. And I was out of the question. However, we were determined, it was going to be home made food, and not junkies. And finally, they came onto a middle ground.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my Dad and my younger brother decided to cook.

That exact instant, my rat instinct told me that things were gonna get ugly. They got confused between the spices, and all. To top it all off, my dad and brother got into an argument. If this went on for too long, it was sure to create some disturbances in the building, so I drew a sign on a piece of paper, and stuck it outside our flat, to ward off neighbours.

Except the fact that this sign looks a thousand times better than mine.

So yeah, they kept arguing, while I went out to get some dinner for everybody. Believe me, I was being the mature guy here. I guess this is what happens when you leave it on a dad of 3 children, and  14 year old kid to do all the cooking. I returned to find out that they've given up on their quest, and were at loggerheads. So, I got everybody at the table, and gave out dinner. I didn't know whether to consolate my dad, or my brother. But considering the fact that the Sarouk I got for dinner, which is an Arabian delight, was in front of me,  I decided it was best to concentrate on the food. However, I think my brother was really mad, so prior to the first bite of dinner I took, this is what he did.

Meant for some humor. Please do not come up with your religious issues.

So yeah, that's the mayhem we faced without a female in the family. I hope this doesn't happen a second time. Speaking of second times, I was forced to go shopping today, again. As usual, I came back with the right things. Only place I went wrong was that I got tomato chilli sauce, instead of chilli garlic sauce, which to my horror, was wanted by sister. The minute she saw it, the threw the largest tantrum you could possibly imagine. So long story short, she had another meltdown. And sure enough, it was worse than the last one.

Remember when I told you that mom said I had to start off doing a bit of cooking? Well, I thought it was out of bounds, until last week. You see, just a few days ago, a college friend of my mom's fell terribly ill, and mom went to look after her, besides her friend's mom. So, basically, I was hung out to dry alone, along with the maid, who would leave at 10pm, daily. And considering the amount of detail you know about me, you should know that I sleep really really late. I stay up blogging, watching TV, series, mainly pointless shit. So, it's bound that I get hungry sometime during the night. So, this one time, the pangs of hunger embarked upon me like the Angel of Death. And right away, I knew that this time, there was no running away. There was some marinated chicken in the freezer, and I planned to fry/bake/cook to make it edible in the least way possible. I tossed and turned and turned the chicken in every possible direction, but to my dismay, it was no good. I decided it was time to do something every true Bangladeshi teenager did. I got...Maggi noodles.

I think it was totally made for us.

You see, I always thought that all these food related issues were something easy, and not to be too worried about. I guess the proverb below sums up my mindset before I came across all this.

Lesson learned the hard way.

Such were my experiences with food. I pray that God save thee from such unfortunate events.

Later. Marzoukeh, out.